It’s the end of 2018. A day that tradition says we should reflect on the year that was, and set resolutions for the new.
This year, I still have CRPS. I still have problems with my hip. I do not sleep well. I have body image and body confidence issues. I have had massive pain flares and many conversations with the floor (falls). I have limitations. I have had good days and bad days with anxiety and depression. I have had so many battles with my own brain I have lost count. I have had to find a new physio and a new GP. My husband has struggled with his anxiety. We just get in front and something happens and we are chasing our tails.
Its been a rollercoaster of emotion. It’s had its twists and turns but like a rollercoaster its also had many ups. The biggest would be we moved into a home we can call our own, leaving rentals behind us. We went to a couple of new cities for work and holidays. We went to see P!nk. I got a power wheelchair that gives me more freedom. I started this blog. I’ve started to express myself and get things out instead of bottling them up inside.
This has been one of the best outlets I could use. I have my people whom I trust, but being able to write these thoughts down for a purpose, rather than just leaving them in a word document, is empowering. This then led to one of my posts being published by The Mighty. It was then republished later in the year. To know that some of what I am writing is helping other people, words cannot describe that feeling. For so long I hid in the shadows, in fear of talking about my life with CRPS, anxiety and depression. I was ashamed. I was embarrassed. I’m not going to lie and say I’m now a completely different person, because I’m not. I’m still some of that person. Some days I still want to retreat back into my safe little corner. I don’t post some of the things I write in fear of judgement. But I’m working on standing strong. I’m working on my voice to help raise awareness. To bring other people out of the shadows and show them they are not alone.
I’m not one for setting new years resolutions. I have made the usual run of the mill resolutions, but I get sidetracked and life happens. I think that for a resolution to stick, you have to feel motivated. You have to want it. But they have to be realistic.
For 2019 I’m setting simple goals. I’m going to write more. I’m going to share more. Some of what I have to say may be boring and repetitive, but hopefully some of it will be helpful to someone else. I know it will be helpful to me.
I’m going to stop trying to ignore the flare up warning signs. I’ll try to reduce the amount of boom and bust, because I’m sick of paying the price. I say ‘try’ because I know that sometimes it cannot be avoided. Like I said, achievable goals!
At the end of the day we have had an interesting year. We may not have achieved all the things we want, or done all the things we need to. We are learning to take it as it comes. To stop. To breathe. To start. Don’t set new years resolutions. Set realistic goals for yourself. Something you want to achieve and what is possible. Set yourself up for a positive year.
#CRPS #complexregionalpainsyndrome #anxiety #depression #breakingthestigma #spoons #nomoreboomandbust #newyear #bloggingforthesoul