Spoons of Chocolate

Boom and bust. Something I am extremely good at, but not something I am proud of.

When I am having a good day I go a little overboard…Ok, I stand on the diving board and do a triple backflip, corkscrew, tuck, pike, everything. In terms of spoons, I grab as many as I can and use them. The next day, or for even the next week, I am punished. I have nothing left. The bowl is empty.
I suppose that really I’m trying to take advantage of the good, so I dont feel so bad about not doing things when I’m having an off day. But I’m causing more pain by doing the boom and bust. I feel bad for not doing things I need to do, like clean my house. Put away washing. Basic things. Things that are not overly important until you have something that makes these kinds of tasks some days near impossible. I get stuck in the cycle of believing that because I can no longer go to work, I should be a good housewife at least. I can tell you I am not a good housewife most days. I never wanted to be one. I don’t want to be one. But right now, my reality is this. I am at home. I need to keep my brain busy. I have my hobbies and home physio which keep me out of trouble most days!
With my new physio, we are going back to basics. She has reintroduced the exercise bike. I can’t get a full revolution and for a long time this was what I was working towards. When I would get on the bike it would be to push myself and try and get that circle. But that isn’t the goal anymore. It’s to stretch and strengthen my hip. She has told me 2 minutes on bad days. 2 minutes on good days. It’s not 2 minutes on bad days and 20 minutes on good days. It’s trying to break the boom and bust cycle I have trapped myself in.
I am not the only one. I know so many of you who are in a battle with boom and bust. Or use too many spoons. We need to stick together. It’s time to stop and look at things differently. Divide things out amongst the days. Not everything has to be done right now. Sometimes its unavoidable but those times that it is, we need to take care of ourselves. We cannot control CRPS. We can control ourselves. Take your time. Slow things down. Break them down. Take time for self care. Save some spoons for later.

We are told not to over indulge in things, like chocolate. Treat your spoons like your favourite block of chocolate. Don’t over indulge and regret it later. Eat it slowly. Enjoy it. Save some for later.

#CRPS #complexregionalpainsyndrome #anxiety #depression #breakingthestigma #spoons #nomoreboomandbust

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