Birthdays. I usually enjoy my birthday. I like to do something special and spend it with people I love. I swore never to be one of those people who hated birthdays no matter how old I got. Last year, I think it was the worst birthday for me mentally that I’ve ever had. I turned 30…
Turning 30 was hard. It felt like the world was giving me a giant smack in the face. I didn’t want to be 30. It’s a reminder of how much I have missed out on because of anxiety, depression and CRPS. I was 25 when I got hurt and we had lots of plans. We had a future that was bright. Turning 30 I was miserable. How could I be 30 already? I felt like my life had been stolen. How could so much of my life pass? I have not accomplished all that I had set out to do. Life had thrown me a giant curve ball. Instead of hitting it out of the park, it smacked me in the head and knocked me unconscious.
It is the end of your 20s. It’s the end of feeling like you can do anything. It is realization that the Hogwarts acceptance letter will never come. It’s the end of your innocence and time to step up and be an adult. When I was a kid, 30 was so old! My parents were in their 30s and my parents were grown ups. Now it’s time for me to be a grown up!
When you are a child, you dream about your future and map things out for yourself. By the time I’m 30 I’m going to have my dream job. I’ll be married, I’ll have a mortgage and kids. You know, the whole white picket fence dream. But life doesn’t always go to plan. We don’t think about the bad things that can happen. We don’t think about that split second that can change our lives. We take things for granted.
We say that we will do it one day. One day we will travel overseas. One day we will bungee jump or sky dive. One day we will do a park run. If I could say anything to people in their 20s, stop saying one day! One day something might happen and it will change your whole life forever. Stop putting off what you want to do. Do it. Go on that holiday, do that extra course to bettet your qualifications. Stop worrying about what other people think. Do it for yourself.
I have accomplished a lot in 5 years. I haven’t done my trip to New York. I haven’t gone sky diving or gotten my next tattoo. But I have been to watch my team in an NRL premiership game. I have gone to see a stage show. I have met beautiful people I am lucky enough to call my friends. In a couple of months I’m going to see Pink! We are going on a holiday with friends to a city I’ve never been to visit. I wanted to go overseas but exploring our country has been amazing. We have our own home. I am seeing things in a different light. I no longer say one day. I start saving money so things can happen, not one day. I have a new list of things I want to do. We have to make the best out of a situation. If I keep dwelling on the things I cannot do, I will become a miserable person no one would want to be around. I have had my pity party. The one day I now hope for is a reduction in pain, or a cure for CRPS.
#complexregionalpainsyndrome #CRPS #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #breakthestigma #30ishard #notoneday #livelovelaugh